if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
