I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
