Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
