My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize