i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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