sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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