How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
