Buhtt sex?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
