You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
