I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize