i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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