It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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