everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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