i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
