Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
