Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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