you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
