So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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