I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
