Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
