Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
