i think my tv is drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
