piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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