When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
