Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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