Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize