you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
