I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
