Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
