She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
