Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just cropdusted the office
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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