Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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