if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
