Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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