There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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