shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
