I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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