he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How does one acquire holy water?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
