you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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