I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
