I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
