hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
