i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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