I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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