I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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