Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
