As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
