Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
