Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
