I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ketchup is God's man juice
He passed out mid-signature
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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