I'm so fucking centered right now
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
