either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fill condoms, not promises.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
