Apparently you make a good broom.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
