so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
