I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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