so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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