im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you never un-have a 4some
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
