Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
