I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
