my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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