I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
