Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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