It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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