Where are you?
In a non slutty way
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize