You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
