I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize