i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
