We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
