Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
