Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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