She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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