Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
