I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
