she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
