the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I wear drunk well.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
