A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
