...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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