8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
