And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
