I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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