Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
