My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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