Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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