you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize