Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
