Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize