i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
