I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
