Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
