I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
