I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
