On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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