i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
