Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize