sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
