I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
