He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
