he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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