after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
