He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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