i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
