I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
