so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
