I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
