So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
