Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i need some magic done to my vagina
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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