I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was born a porn star she said
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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