Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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