somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
