4 words: hood of his car
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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