Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
