I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
