hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
