U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
