it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize