i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We talked him into tasing himself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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