she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
