i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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