I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
my liver is dry heaving
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
